“FemDom is the most lonely fetish there is.” 

I heard a male submissive once say. First I disagreed, but then I started to think about it… In my years of being part of the kink scene, one thing has always stood out: there are so many male submissives looking for Female-Led Relationships (FLR) and other 24/7 dynamics, but very few ‘available’ Dominant Women. For male subs, finding the right partner to explore these dynamics can be tough. These struggles come from the scarcity of Dominant Women who already evolved into this trait, societal expectations, personal challenges, and even misunderstandings from within the community. Let’s shed some light on this.

The stigma surrounding a male submissive’s desire

One of the biggest struggles male submissives face is the stigma surrounding their desires. Society has a strict idea of masculinity that values control, dominance, and toughness. Male submission goes against this, so people often misunderstand or make fun of it. Submissive men are sometimes perceived as weak or less “manly” – while it’s true in play, it’s not in the “real world”.

This stigma can result in male submissives feeling ashamed or embarrassed about their desires. They often keep their feelings hidden, even from like-minded people, for fear of judgment. This secrecy can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation, making it difficult for them to embrace their true selves and surrender to this dream completely.

The stigma doesn’t just come from the outside; it can also create inner conflicts. Many men are raised with the notion that they must be in control, hide their emotions, and avoid vulnerability. Wanting to be submissive can feel like breaking all the “rules” they’ve learned. This can lead to guilt, shame, and confusion, making it even harder for male submissives to accept their desires and embrace who they truly are. They might even worry that something is wrong with them for wanting to let go of control. This shame can make it harder for them to grow and be happy with who they are.

The imbalance between Mistresses and male subs

Another struggle male subs face is the huge gap in numbers between male submissives and Mistresses; Dominant Women who are open to FLR, 24/7 dynamics, and embody the Matriarchal lifestyle. These Women aren’t just experimenting with Dominance – they embody it as part of their personality and lifestyle. The rarity of such women makes the search for a compatible partner incredibly competitive, and for some, it can feel like an unattainable fantasy.

Mistresses often get a lot of attention, and many have multiple submissives. This can make male submissives feel like they’re competing for their Dominant’s interest, which adds another layer of difficulty to finding a connection. While it’s understandable that subs might feel frustrated, ego can sometimes get in the way, preventing them from understanding or acknowledging the responsibilities that come with being a Mistress.

Successful D/s relationships require more than just a desire to serve—they’re about the exchange of power, trust, and emotional connection. It’s not about ‘being the best’ or fulfilling wish lists, nor is it simply about sexual release.
Another misconception that adds to this is the belief that FemDom dynamics always involve sex. This assumption can alienate male submissives who are looking for something non-sexual, or who are interested in exploring kinks such as chastity, or cuckolding. This misunderstanding makes it even harder for male subs to find a Dominant partner who shares their vision of an FLR / Matriarchal or 24/7 dynamic.

Misrepresentation in porn and kink communities

The way FemDom and male submissives are shown in porn also doesn’t help. Portraying male submissives as awkward or comic relief and FemDommes as overly sadistic and sexualized. These images don’t show the depth and complexity of long-term power exchange dynamics even though they show a small and fun part of the dynamic.

Even in kink communities, male submissives can feel out of place. While FemDom spaces are becoming more visible, they’re still less common, limiting opportunities for male submissives to find Women who are truly Matriarchal and share their interest in FLR or 24/7 dynamics. Additionally, misunderstandings around the role of sexuality in FemDom relationships – such as assuming those dynamics are sexually driven – can alienate those seeking non-sexual or emotionally focused relationships. It’s like 50 people fishing in the same pond for that one Koi Carp. Finding the right partner can feel like an impossible task.

Growth and acceptance

The struggles male submissives face to find relationships with Matriarchal dynamics are real, despite these challenges, being a male submissive can be an amazing and fulfilling journey. Many submissives find that learning about themselves, connecting with like-minded people, and embracing who they are makes a big difference. Accepting their desires as valid and normal is a big step toward building healthy relationships and living the lifestyle with a Matriarch above you.

Self-acceptance is key to finding joy and fulfillment – not just in kink, but in life as a whole. For male submissives, it’s essential to move beyond surface-level ideas of what they offer. While physical attributes “a big dick” or sexual endurance “I can lick you forever” might seem important, what truly matters is demonstrating your value as a supportive, useful, and genuine submissive. Take inspiration from success stories like My boy @dyligent, who achieved his dream by not only paying for sessions with Me but also making himself indispensable outside of kink, and showing authenticity and loyalty.

Dominant Women often approach dynamics with empathy and strive to make their submissives feel valued and secure. Approaching them with genuine respect and a clear understanding of what you bring to the table can open doors to meaningful connections. Attend the right gatherings, and engage sincerely with the community, and you’ll increase your chances of finding your ideal Domme – or, at the very least, build connections with like-minded people. Remember, you’re not alone in this incredible kink we all cherish.